Target

I made my last Target run last night. As I walked the aisles of options I felt a sense of panic. This was it, the end of the “get anything we need as soon as we need it” lifestyle. I found myself a little frantic. What will we “need” that I don’t know we need? I’m the mom, I make sure my family has what they need, that’s my job. How can I do my job without Target? I never thought I would have separation anxiety from a store. But, I guess it’s not the store, it’s the American way of life and its pretty much all I’ve ever known.

There’s a lot of pressure that comes with this lifestyle. Because I can have anything we need within two days without even leaving the house (thank you Amazon Prime) I expect myself to always be prepared for anything and I usually am. And because I am my family expects me to be prepared. So when I’m not, there’s a disturbance in our force and I feel like I have failed them on a much deeper level than forgetting the swim goggles justifies.

The truth is I have set myself up for failure. Not my culture, not my family, me. I have set myself up as my family’s savior and its not working. My identity is caught up in meeting their needs and it’s not working. It’s not who I was created to be and it’s not who they need me to be. So who am I supposed to be? I have an idea, but honestly, I’m not quite sure. I think it is much more about being than doing. Listening instead of fixing. Enjoying instead of preparing.

As I left Target last night I had a sense of relief as if God was telling me, “I have something so much better for you, trust me.” So goodbye enabling safety blankets we’re heading off the grid to a land of uncertainty. A continent that runs on it’s own, much slower, pace. A country where electricity is not a given and a city that no amount of planning can prepare us for. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be good.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you,plans to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11