No One Puts Baby in the Corner

Driving continues to be one of the biggest challenges of living in Abuja.  It’s like playing a combination of Frogger and Super Mario Cart. You never know what is going to happen, but somehow you learn to expect the unexpected. There’s moments when it’s even fun.

So many of the “civilized rules” don’t appear to apply. A red light is more of yield sign. Lanes are suggestions and crossing 3 lanes of traffic to let someone else is standard procedure. People and cows crowd the roads and if there is any space to get ahead on the road you take it.

Honking is more of a courtesy to let someone no you are there. People honk when they pass you on the left. If you are waiting to traffic to clear to make a right hand turn, cars will just go around you and turn. Why wait for traffic, just make the traffic wait for you.

When my neighbor Kate and I set out this morning to buy fabric at Wuse Market, I thought the shopping was going to be the adventure of the day. Little did I know that getting there would be something to write home about.

We were only a mile or so from home, traveling at a about 40mph when suddenly someone was knocking on my driver’s side window. I was startled to see a man on a moped, in police looking garb, insisting that I pull over.

My first thought was to keep going. In my security briefing I was given all sorts of conflicting guidance about obliging local law enforcement. Be polite. Pop your trunk for a security check point, but don’t roll down your window. Be respectful, but don’t pull over unless you should pull over and then be polite. I wasn’t sure which way this one should go, so I pulled over.

He came to the passenger side door and, after I rolled down the window about an inch, berated me for running a four way stop. “Why do you not respect the laws of our country?! We are a respectable country! You must wait your turn!” I was stunned. I had just pulled through an intersection that was completely clear of cars. There was a green light and no stop sign that I could see. There are many times I have felt that I am breaking the rules of the road when driving here. Many times when I would have been pulled over in the US, but this was not one of those times.

I tried to be polite. It didn’t work. He asked for my drivers license. I showed him my Embassy badge. His tune changed a little after that. He told me that since I was so polite I could just pay a fine. How much? 25,000 Niara (about $80). By this time Kate and I were starting to catch on. We told him that we would not pay, but that we would call the Embassy. He insisted that we follow him to a Federal building where I would be given a ticket and would be humiliated in front of my people. (I wonder if that is a legitimate threat here?) I rolled up the windows and locked my car for the 5th time.

So Kate is on the phone with her husband who’s feeding her the script, “We will not pay, we will not leave, the Marines are coming,” and I’m on the phone with the Marines, explaining the situation and waiting for a response. I was put on hold and while we patiently waited Mr. Abuja Cop was getting nervous. He knocked on the window, insisting we roll it down. I shook my head “no,” and pointed to my phone. He pulled out a scrap of paper and looked like he was taking down my license plate number. Then knocked on the window again. This time I didn’t even make eye contact.

After a few more minutes of being on hold, him staring us down and us refusing to make eye contact he got on his moped and took off down the sidewalk. “What should I do,” I ask Kate? “Just go! Go! Go! Go!”

By the time the Marines got back with us we were cruising down the road after some high fives and snoopy dancing. We had been faced with corruption and starred it down! I was still shaking from the adrenaline rush, but we made it through.

A few hours later, after hitting 2 markets, Kate said, “Look at us. A month ago we were afraid of the grocery store and look what we have done today!”

It was a good day. A crazy, “no one puts Baby in the corner,” good day. Now please excuse me while I eat a pound of chocolate and take a nap.

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In case you’re wondering:

What would have happened if Abuja Cop hadn’t backed down? A representative from the Embassy would have come and taken care of us. They have a good system here. We are well taken care of. Maybe moped man will remember that the next time he sees two white girls in a mini van who look like an easy target.