Refrigerators and Backbone

As I sit here typing at 2:30 on a Wednesday afternoon, my house is being cleaned by the sweetest Nigerian angel. She comes three days a week: half day on Monday and Wednesday and all day Friday. I’m not gonna lie, it’s AWESOME. Having help was one of the things I was looking forward to when we moved here, but hiring help, that’s another story.

Almost as soon as we moved into Harvard I had locals knocking on my door and neighbors letting me know who was available. There is a wide range of help. Full time stewards who clean, cook, grocery shop and run errands or part time a la carte, what ever you need.

When we first moved in, the idea of anyone being in my home overwhelmed me as did the hiring process. Partly because I wasn’t sure what kind of help I wanted and partly because I did and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to find it.

Living at the hotel for 3 weeks showed me that I didn’t want to hire a cook. As nice as it would be, food equals love to my family and that’s something that I am going to hang onto (at least for now). I also just wanted someone to clean and I wanted her to be a girl. A young, happy girl.

Most of our neighbors have male stewards. Although I have no doubt that they are nice and capable, being home with the girls all day I knew it would be harder to be comfortable with a man.

God, in his love, had the perfect girl picked out for us and I didn’t even have to ask. My neighbor mentioned that her house keeper was looking for extra work. I met her, felt her joy and knew she was the girl for us. Her name is Esther.

Esther is a kind, grateful, happy women who isn’t that much taller than Jenna. She loves the girl and gives them big hugs every time she sees them. She is easy to be around and my house has never been (nor will ever again be) this clean.

She is God’s gift to us and I have told her so. The first day she came to work I told her how I had prayed for her and how grateful I am for her. I was my warm friendly self and I think I got a little carried away, because the next time she came to work, right off the bat, she asked if we would buy her a refrigerator.

She got the same blank stare I gave the picture hanging man.

Africa, as a continent, has a tumultuous history. War, slavery, colonialism, disease, more war. Because of this their culture is built around survival. You do whatever you can to survive and make sure your family survives. If you have money and your brother needs something, you give it to him. If your sister needs food today, you give her the money you were going to use tomorrow to pay your electric bill, even if that means tomorrow your electricity will be turned off.

From what I have read, there is no saving for a rainy day. No advancing your situation. If you have the means you meet the needs, whether yours or your friends and family.

This seeps into  more aspects of the culture than just money. It is why when driving there is no such thing as right away or traffic lanes. If they see something that will help them, they take advantage of it. That could mean using the sidewalk for a road or pulling a left U turn across 3 lanes of traffic. Or why, at the store, the person behind you with a few items steps in front of you as your loading your full cart of groceries onto the counter. It’s not rude, it’s just seeing an advantage and taking it. Survival.

So, why wouldn’t Esther ask for a refrigerator? We obviously have the means and her first day on the job went well. The only reason why she wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) ask is that she was asking an American, not a Nigerian and now she knows that.

Not because of me, oh no. I was in such shock that I just nodded and smiled and told her that I would talk to the other neighbor she works for and that we would figure it out and take care of her. For the record, it is possible to be too nice.

It was my neighbor who graciously offered to “school” Esther in the ways of an American employer. She kindly told her that it was too soon to ask and that she shouldn’t ask for anything else for a long time. Dear Esther was horrified and asked if she should apologize. I assured my neighbor that wasn’t necessary.

Esther and I both learned lessons that day. In the end we bought her the refrigerator, splitting the costs with her other employer. Looking at the big picture the dear girl didn’t have a refrigerator and now for less than $60, out of my pocket, she does. She gained a refrigerator and I gained tremendous cultural understanding and hopefully a little more backbone.